Humans of the Community- Bridget

 

I now look back on things through a more self-identified lens, there were experiences that were definitely like queer, but I couldn’t put my finger on it, or at least I realized it was different from straight and then just I compartmentalized that into a box, like “Can’t do that, can’t like that.”  I think of, in particular, the movie John Tucker Must Die, when the two girls kiss and it’s like practice for a guy, which is very telling of how we view lesbians, just like societally and through the patriarchal lens. So, I was like “Oh, wait, I can’t like this, that’s not allowed.” There’s a lot of experiences like that.

Also Stick It, I was like “Why am I in love with her?” I remember watching it like fifteen times and being obsessed with it. There were people where I thought I really liked them, like the boys in One Direction. I only really liked them because my friends really liked that. Then everyone was assigned a guy to fond over and I remember being assigned someone but just being like, “Meh, okay”, like I did not care. And it was like “I guess sure, I can try to like this boy.”

I remember in high school being complimentary toward someone that I didn’t really know and someone being like “That’s gay.” I was like “Wait, I was just complimenting her.” But then I was like “Wait a minute, why am I complimenting her? I do think she’s really attractive”, but then being like “Oh no, I can’t really do that” or I would tuck it away in that box.

But I didn’t really have words or real concepts I could tie into that with my upbringing.